Living in Promises Fulfilled.
For my birthday this year I thought I’d do a little reflection blog of my past year of life.
It’s the day before my birthday as I’m typing this. Tomorrow I’ll be 27. That’s crazy. I’ve lived 27 full years of life!! I’m like on the down hill slide to 30, y’all.
I’ll start by saying, I’m currently sitting on a plane typing this out on my phone, on my way to Guatemala! The moon outside is huge and orange… it’s just beautiful! What a gift! Also… the fact that I’m on a plane to Guatemala about to start this season of squad leading…. That to is a gift and a promise fulfilled. First off, guatemala is my favorite country and the people there feel like family. The fact that I get to go back and have more time with my Guatemalan fam and to just be in Guatemala again, this time with F squad… on my birthday… dang. There is no better birthday gift I could think of than that! The Lord is so kind and He works in such crazy ways. I’m literally living a dream. My dream to be exact. One that the Lord brought into fruition.
I think this is a great place to tell you about my journey with the Lord and how I ended up squad leading. So, once upon a time in October of 2020 I was at training camp for the World Race. It was there that the Lord put squad leading on my heart for the first time. I didn’t even know what it was at the time but I knew the Lord was highlighting it for a reason. I started praying and asking the Lord about it. For 3 years the Lord said the same thing which was to “wait”. Squad leading quickly became something a wanted to do. It became a dream of mine and in the Lord asking me to “wait” for it, it became a promise He wanted to fulfill (in His timing). In these 3 years of waiting, the Lord opened doors for me to walk through that ended up being other promises fulfilled. A little run down of time: I started out back in Texas for 8 months after the Race. It was a sweet season full of change, refinement and learning how to depend deeply on the Lord. Then I moved to Gainesville, Georgia for CGA (the leadership program I did). I then decided to stay in Gainesville after CGA. I ended up moving into an alumni house — a cabin in the woods full of amazing women whom I now call dear friends. I’ve truly been gifted with incredible community and people that I get to do life with in Gainesville. Gainesville, GA might just be a dot on the map for most people, but for me it’s my home now and I really love it there. I’ve also been given several opportunities to step into my passions over this last year. Plus, I’ve found a church that I get to call home and I really love it (shoutout to Grace Midtown)! The Lord has grown me in a lot of ways both in my relationship with Him and also as a person. There have just been so many good things! Hard but good things. Wow.
Okay so fast forward to this past April (2023). This was when the Lord gave me the go ahead to apply for squad leading. Specifically for the January Expedition route. I looked it up several times but the application was not open to apply for yet. Eventually, as summer came around I got really comfortable with my life in Gainesville. I loved being there and I loved all the mundane days of life in Gainesville, with people I love. In June I got to the point where I didn’t want to squad lead anymore because I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in Gainesville. So then God and I wrestled.. for months about it. I had a “bad attitude”… and to be honest, that “bad attitude” towards squad leading lasted up until 3 weeks ago. I was annoyed because I didn’t want to squad lead anymore but the Lord was letting me decide. I had to make the decision for myself. The way the lord presented squad leading to me in our wrestling match was the kindest thing ever. He basically showed me squad leading as a present in his hand. He held it out and told me that I could take the gift if I wanted to. But if I didn’t want to, He would still honor me and my decision and bless my time in Gainesville if I decided to stay. So, I decided to take the present. My thought process: why would I not take a gift from the Lord that He is extending to me? That seemed silly to me. So since I received His gift… the gift of squad leading, that meant I needed to process through my attitude. I didn’t do that very fast lol. Eventually I realized that I wasn’t mad at squad leading, but that I was just sad and feeling a lot of emotions about saying bye to people I loved and the place I called home. I’ve never really experienced that before. Then the Lord showed me that I was viewing leaving to squad lead like He was taking things away from me. But that is not at all true. He showed me that the things and people I’m sad about leaving are fulfilled promises He has already given me and He’s not going to take those promises away from me. He is a good Father and He doesn’t take good things away from His children. He actually just wanted to fulfill more promises, but in order for that to happen it required me to say “see you later” to other promises that had already been fulfilled. So…. It’s been a journey of coming to terms with my emotions ever since I applied to squad lead/got accepted. I let myself feel the things and be sad. I had a “bad attitude” probably more than not. But also the Lord showed me that my attitude doesn’t scare Him away. Not even a little. He just sat with me in it until I was ready to change it…. Which happened probably day 3 of squad leader training (January 5th to be exact) lol. Now I’m in a place of being excited and expectant of this season I’m currently in. I know the Lord has so much for me and for this squad and I feel honored I get to be apart of it. It’s also so obvious that the Lord had me wait for squad leading for this exact group of people. Each person on this squad is chosen by the Lord. They’re all incredible and I already feel inspired by them and have seen more of the attributes of the Lord in and through them.
Who the heck am I to deserve any of this?… I feel the weight of the Lord’s love & grace & peace & comfort over me. It feels like a blanket that I get to just dwell under.
All I can do when I look back at this last year (really the last 3 years) is smile. I’m full of joy and gratitude for all the Lord has blessed me with. He is so kind. This past year is marked by the Lord’s faithfulness, goodness and provision. He is a God of His promises and He cares deeply about our dreams and passions. He delights in our questions and He wants us to ask him things. He is also not afraid of our bad moods/attitudes and he’s definitely not afraid of a wrestling match.
I’m living a life FULL of promises fulfilled and it overwhelms me with emotion just thinking about it. I did nothing and could do nothing to deserve any of it but the Lord loves me and provides for me anyways. He always exceeds all my expectations.
I pray that as you read this you would know that the Lord loves YOU and has good things for YOU. He’s not scared of your questions or any version of yourself. He loves you fully, not just part of who you are. He wants to fulfill promises in your life.
Well, thanks for reading my blog and for caring about me as a person.
I know this next year of life is going to be a good one. I’m ending my time as a 26 year old in promises fulfilled and starting my time as a 27 year old also in promises fulfilled!!! And ALL the glory goes to God!
Thanks God! I just love you.
Brianne <3
Here’s a picture of me right when the clock struck midnight! Our flight was delayed an hour and I’m convinced it was because the Lord wanted me to arrive to Guatemala on my birthday, right down to the second.
