The Lord is so kind in his timing. During a country where our days were slower paced, here is where he was walking me through the beginnings of slowing down. My task orientation and hurry was something I didn’t realize was so deeply rooted within me.
Here is where he asked me where I was truly satisfied. I wrestled with this question, wanting my answer to be him alone but also knowing that there are things that satisfy me far too much. Even good things, if they’re not God, cannot be where I find my satisfaction. Missions cannot be where I am fully satisfied. The Bible alone cannot be where I am fully satisfied. People cannot be where I am fully satisfied. I desire that nothing other than God himself satisfies me. That things such as missions and reading the Bible become things my heart seeks after my first love.
While the Lord was walking me through all these things I was listening to a podcast, Fight Hustle End Hurry (definitely give it a listen!!), and it said something that really stuck with me. “Hurry is the death of prayer.” These words were way more of a reality in my life than I’d like to admit. The Lord showed me that my love for being busy was the reason for a minimal prayer life.
As the Lord slowed my life down and showed me my need to eliminate hurry, he created a new desire for prayer in my heart. How kind of him!! Prayer was something that I’ve now realized was not a priority in my day to day. I found it hard at times and chose to continue with the busyness of my to-do’s instead of sitting still talking with my creator. God so kindly helped me remove the blinders that once blocked my eyes from seeing how sweet it is to be in prayer and how powerful these moments with him are.
How amazing that we get to commune with the Lord by just speaking his name! There’s no animal sacrifice needed, no fixing of self required, he just wants me to sit with him and talk. He wants to hear about everything, even though he already knows he wants to hear it from me. As I seek prayer he reminds me to also sit in the silence with him. Create room for him to speak and just be still in his presence. Silence and solitude is definitely a work in progress but how sweet those moments are starting to become.
I am just so thankful that the Lord has walked me through these things and given me a new heart for prayer, what a blessing. I will have to continue to fight for the Lord to be where my satisfaction is found but I pray that the Lord will continue to reveal to me when my heart is satisfied by things other than him! Growth is hard, but how sweet to see the Lord moving in my life.
As we make our way to Cambodia, where life will probably be busier, I would appreciate prayer that my mind would continue to focus on a life of less hurry and continual prayer!
