Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
If I had to summarize the last week of the Camino in one word it would be exhausting. It honestly all felt like a blur and I couldn’t catch my breath and just be most moments. That’s just how life is sometimes and the Lord is our sustainer in those seasons. This past week taught me what it looks like to give myself grace, I realized that I can’t do it all and do it well, so I learned to really lean on those around me. There were moments where I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know what my next step would be, but looking back those moments seem small and almost fade out of my memory. The nights I spent throwing up, or the moments of my angrily holding back tears while walking miles and miles weren’t the defining moments of the Camino, even if in the moment they consumed me. Sickness and brokenness, our moments of spiritual and emotional poverty don’t take us away from the embrace of our Heavenly Father.
Looking back on this last week, even if our last day on the Camino was only a few days ago, I can see the Lord’s hand on my failures. Our last fifteen mile day I was in my head a lot and very overwhelmed with the details of the day. I wasn’t doing well in my classes and I couldn’t fill the needs of the team as my role in hospitality. I walked into a cafe to check for food and order but I was already very frustrated and stressed so I started to cry. An older woman who didn’t speak any English came over me and gave me some of the most comforting hugs. Even though they didn’t know what was going on in my mind and we couldn’t even understand each others words, she saw my pain and emotions and met me in them. It was exactly what I needed and it felt like a little gift from God, like He was sending someone down to be my comforter when I didn’t feel like I could keep going in the moment. One of my biggest fears has always been throwing up and getting sick, but the Lord was so faithful on this trip because there was a night on the Camino where I got a bug and spent the whole night throwing up, but he gave me so much joy in those moments. It was the first time in a while I was okay being sick and helpless and let those around me serve me and help me so I could fully heal. Although its a little thing, I see how God restored my mind in the way I react to sickness and He used one my lows of the trip to make me stronger. The last day of us walking on the Camino was especially rough for a lot of us. I was still fatigued from being sick and it rained on us the entire time, I was trying my best to fully embrace the last day on the Camino but I couldn’t do it without fully looking at God in the midst of it. Elyssa, Eva, and Charis began to sing worship songs halfway through the hike and the worship continued for at least an hour, maybe two and it was exactly what I needed that morning. I needed to fully fix my eyes on the Lord so I sang and sang any worship song that came to my mind.
These are just a few examples, but there were so many little instances. The Lord truly sustained me and renewed me every day, and He restored my strength every day. I had to fully be present and trust that He would give me what I needed, every day, every hour, sometimes every minute. I knew He wouldn’t give me more than I could endure and I knew that these few weeks would push me and challenge me in new ways. I had to become comfortable in the uncomfortable but more than that I had to fully rely on the Lord in ways I never had before.
