Hey everyone!! It’s Aubrey here again with more updates on my life in the world race and what the Lord has done! Training camp – the 3 week lifestyle to teach us about the things we might see overseas and putting them in practice, & falling deeper in love with the Lord – is OVER! It’s so crazy!! I learned so much about myself, others and God and spiritual warfare. To be honest, because we honest out here, I am soooo glad that it’s over. It was some of the hardest weeks of my life and I probably cried about four times a day lol. Let me explain 🙂 I’ve touched on the things of training camp lots in my past blogs so you know most of this, but I truly went through some soul searching here! I went from family, friends, bed, counter space, bathrooms, showers, washer/dryer, toilets to…well… none of those things! It was such a hard transition already, especially missing home. I MISS IT SO MUCH!!! #homesickbutitsgettingeasier … but on top of that, there was a lot going on in my heart.
I will never know everything or not struggle with the things that went on, but here’s the best way I can explain why it was so hard: I think I went through a big state of comparison. And not the “she’s prettier than me” comparison, but the “wow- that leaders faith isn’t like mine, and they have so much confidence and are doing things I’ve never seen, they are right. I am wrong.” So I slowly started to deconstruct who I am, because they are right and I am struggling to look like them. But then through the everyday tears, I realized something’s wrong and so I went to the Lord about it, saying “change me God, show my why I’m so sad so I can be good” and other prayers like the leaders were praying “give me visions or signs of you! Lord may Your presence come now!”… searching for Him like He is something to obtain and through the heart posture of He will make me good like the others are, rather than realized what He’s already done and how He’s made me good😌
once I finally got my hands on remembering who I am, those chains of needing to “obtain it” went away!! The comparison LEFT! I forgot about comparison, in all the ways. My faith and myself and how God works in my life vs theirs and what stage of life were each in… gone. Because God made ME how He made ME!! I am His creation so I’m going to be confident in it. Psalm 139 I’ve been holding onto as a reminder of that, and if you look around the Bible there are constant reminders that He is WITH us, so why do I fear?? (Isaiah 41:10; 61:1). He is going to be walking right here with me forever and ever, so I don’t have to worry about “obtaining” Him, He will draw me slowly towards Himself in our own timing of our relationship. Yeah, that’s a good God huh? So personal and relational and good to each of His kids how they individually need Him. A good Father. I think that the devil played a role in trying to convince me that I wasn’t enough so my confidence left and I wanted to quit, which happened lots. I now am in a spot of no matter what happens, I won’t be enough because I make so many mistakes, but God is enough and He gives grace to me which means in His eyes, I am always enough! 🤩
Now, thanks for still reading 🙂 last thing I wanted to share is we’re at SharpTop cove doing manual labor projects for young life!! It’s AWESOME! I remember why I signed up for the trip haha – MINISTRY! I love serving and it’s been so fun to dig up flower beds and pull weeds! I’ve been having fun with my friends and honestly haven’t been missing home as much! And I have a bed, shower, TOILETS!! (I never want to see a porta potty again). I’m living the dream here, and it’s BEAUTIFUL!! Can’t wait to share what God does here! He’s already brought me back to me by being here. Reminds me of the song “Take a Moment” by United Pursuit… take a moment to listen😉. I love you my people!!! sooo much! Please eat some ice cream or chick fil a and send me a picture, it would bring me a smile 🙂
~ my love, aubs
