I feel my heart burning with a desire to testify and to glorify the name of Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God. My savior has done something miraculous within me that I cannot contain. My eyes are wide open and I have tasted and seen the goodness of God. Jesus Christ is a man who has set me free. I have been filled with a fire and boldness that I cannot rationalize. I now see that abundant life can only come from a place of receiving the Father’s Love. His love healed my heart so I can love him back. Speaking the name of Jesus alone sends demons to the pits of hell. His name is higher and greater than any other name and he is worthy of everything. I believe this with every part of my being.
The past 6 months have been really intense for me. I have never known a season of so much pain and neediness for God. Since arriving home from the World Race, it has been a relentless battle of fighting for my health. I have found myself in a season a pure and utter brokenness. Night after night, I cry myself to sleep, begging God to intervene. Almost every day has been filled with sickness, pain and discomfort for months on end. I find it hard to wake up in the morning just to do it all over again. Dreams and desires have been delayed and my mind has been terrorized by the devil with thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and fear.
I feel the intensity of the spiritual battle between my flesh and spirit every moment, but in the end, my spirit always wins.
Jacob who wrestled with God, Mary who anointed Jesus with her tears and expensive perfume, and the Woman who bled and touched the fringe of Jesus’s garment are all characters I have deeply resonated with in this season. At times, I feel the need to fight, wrestle, and yell, “God, I won’t leave until you bless me!” Other moments are filled with pure and utter love for God and a heart of surrender that says, “Jesus, you are worth everything you ask for.” And finally, the remaining moments are comprised with an overwhelming desperation for God and an unshakable faith that knows, “All I have to do is get to Jesus! One touch is all I need.”
Jacob, Mary, and the woman who bled were not all “put together.” Their emotions and desires were not tied up in a pretty little package with a culturally acceptable delivery. In fact, It was quite the opposite. Their acts of faith were quite literally offensive and extremely messy. They were desperate for a move of God and they had a supernatural faith that he would deliver. This has been one of the most undignified and messy seasons of my life and yet in the midst of it I have seen the face of Jesus clearer than ever before. I have experienced his deep love and compassion in ways I can’t even comprehend or begin to articulate. In the midst of the most painful season, I can genuinely say I love Jesus and believe in him more than I ever have before.
How is this even possible? The answer has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the Son of God and his holy blood that was shed on the cross. He paid the cost in full so I could have abundant life in him. It has everything to do with the undeniable love of God. It has everything to do with Jesus. He is everything he says he is. If this isn’t proof, I don’t know what is. I’m undone.
Lord Jesus, help me continue to walk in childlike faith, fully captivated by your wonder and beauty. I never want to get bored of you!
The Lamb of God has come to set the captives free. He has come to bind up the broken hearted. He has come to bring the oil of joy for those who mourn and a garment of praise for those in despair. He has come to save, heal, and deliver. Jesus, and only Jesus, can set you free.
Leave a Reply