I am finally back on AIM grounds, and I am SO happy to back! The community and the environment tailored to enhancing a relationship with the Lord brings up great memories and even better growth! Enough growth to the point that I feel I already have something to post about!
The past week, the only people living here have been my squamates going to the 10/40 window with me and the leaders of the other trips launching at the same time as us. Our week has been spent in a class called “Perspectives”, trying to change how we view the Bible, the Church, and the mission field. It was, truly, amazing, I met some remarkable people through it and felt some tangible growth.
Something that one of the speakers in “Perspectives” said really resonated with me. I don’t remember the context unfortunately but it was something along the lines of “You will get burnt out endlessly trying to serve and attempting only to rescue sinners from Hell if you aren’t buoyed to a love of God and a desire to see Him glorified.”
I know that this feels like an obvious statement about following Jesus, but it hit me like a truck. Do I love my God? I can conceptualize a divine being, one who forgives sins, is all powerful, even one that views myself and the rest of His followers as His children. But is that enough to make ME love HIM?
Apparently, it wasn’t. Now, if you know me, you might know my “love language” is physical touch. It’s how I express love and how I best receive it; hugging, an arm around the shoulder, even laying hands when praying. However, Christ is no longer on this earth. He awaits us in Heaven with open arms. So how does someone like me who, although it’s not a constant need, understands and expresses the most love through touch?
I’ve had some good examples. Mainly, from the Lord Himself. During a time of prayer, I began to panic. I just didn’t know how I was going to get to a place where I loved MY GOD. It terrified me because I know that I love what I do when I’m with Him. The song “He’s Got the Whole World” popped into my head and I got upset with myself and my short attention span. I felt as though there were more important things to think and pray about.
But this song stoked my imagination, with the picture of a hand holding the earth in my mind. This hand was wizened, but firm, with long slender fingers made to craft and create intricacies. I felt like I could take this hand, now waiting outstretched, with no earth in its palm…and so I did. In my mind, my own hand came into the picture and took the hand that was already there. I imagined the hand was calloused, but not uncomfortable to hold.
The image changed in a rush, my whole person coming into view. I was hugging a man with no face, white clothes, and a crown that genuinely lit up the darkness around it. Though I looked exactly as I do as my adult self, I was dwarfed by the man I was hugging, looking like a child. Then, the image shifted as the both of us turned, His arm around my shoulder. We walked away and this vision ended.
That’s all that I want to share for now, but know that the Lord is doing a good work in my heart, showing me how to love Him. Being taught how to love someone by that someone is something I’ve never experienced. But I encourage you to search your own heart and bring that to the Lord yourself. “Lord? Do I love you?” He might just have been waiting for you to ask.
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