Hello everybody!! As of today I have been in Georgia for one week for training camp. To start all of this off though, I just have to thank God. He knows me better than I do and although I was (and am) afraid, he knew this was my path. With any fear and joy I am about to share, I needed to preface with this wonderfulness God has graced me with.
The first few days of this week have been some of the hardest days I’ve experienced in a long time. Sleeping a few hours a night because of a rock in my back, showering only twice in one week (and in a bucket), different foods, and most of all missing the comfort of being with my mom, dad, and brother. I have had some severe anxiety and a lot of tears. Leaving home was already going to be hard, but leaving to so little communication made it that much worse. Making friends was hard and then keeping a social battery long enough to keep making connections. Not being able to just call my mom and tell her everything going on, not being able to go an pet my dogs, not being able to go to my immediate comforts has been so difficult.
The other side of that though, is growth. Having nothing to go to but God and the new people around me when I get those anxiety attacks or just deep sadness. Learning that sometimes when you have struggles, the first thing to do isn’t comfort, but maybe its taking a deep breath and running to God. I am not doing this growth by my own intention, but by what God put in my path. He is such a good God that he didn’t throw me in and let me learn on my own either, he has been present for every part of this.
In my morning devotion, I’ve been reading the Acts of the Apostles, and while there is SO much to take away from that, the biggest thing Im getting away is that none of the apostles were especially excited to leave all they knew with only the clothes on their backs. However, they were excited to do that so other people can know the perfect, merciful love of God. When I read what they did, and with such gladness because they get to serve the most beautiful creator I realize how good I have it. Not only do I get a few more outfits than the apostles, but I get to spend every day with Jesus; worshipping him, talking with him, and learning about him. I get to go and travel this beautiful earth, seeing so many sunsets all for the glory of God. It is thrilling to show and share the love of Jesus and the active presence of the Holy Spirit. I never have to question my worth because it is found in He who is perfect.
So while it would be a major lie to say I don’t miss family and friends at home, or that I am always ready and joyful to be sleeping on the ground, I know this is His plan for me. That even the tears and anxiety are important for growing trust and strength. I have more confidence and hope now than even. few days ago. Maybe I can do this crazy adventure. Maybe I’m stronger than I thought I was. Maybe God does know what He is doing and this is going to all be great. (I can take away that last maybe)
Thanks for reading! :)))
