I know that I haven’t updated my blog in a while, and I hope I can explain why in a way that makes sense and you can understand. Full disclosure, not sure what this blog is going to include so strap in.
Backstory
Sometimes trusting God can be difficult and sometimes we can get frustrated and upset with Him which results in not trusting Him and questioning our faith and our decisions. You may be asking yourself, what does that have to do with my journey and the Race? Well, that is a question I asked myself. I was supposed to go on the World Race in September of 2023 but never ended up even leaving for training camp. There were a lot of factors around me not going but the three main ones were fundraising, school, and a feeling/command from the Lord. To set this up I think I need to create a back story. I applied for the Race and wholeheartedly believed that is what the lord had for me. I started fundraising and planning with my school to take a year off and come back in a spot that made sense for my program. I bought all my gear and materials needed to go on the trip. And then it started getting closer and closer to the date for training camp and the excitement and joy started to turn into questioning, wondering, and lots of prayer. Because for one I was not funded enough to even go to training camp but also, I was feeling uneasy about the Race. At first, I thought it was just nerves and being anxious about leaving but then I prayed and sought God for answers. Within about a week or so of praying and needing to give my mentor answers and what I planned to do, I heard the Lord say “Wait.” This was incredibly hard for me because I had jumped at the command to go on the Race and had been excited about it and then God went back on it. He called me to this incredible journey and then after all that preparation and faithfulness he just said wait.
Deferring and What’s Next
I will not say the decision to defer from the Race in September was easy, but I also don’t think it was overly difficult either. So then after I decided to defer from the Race, I started questioning what I was supposed to do now. At this point, I didn’t have a job, no plan for school, and wasn’t leaving on the Race anymore. I was so confused and so conflicted about what to do next. So logically I texted my boss from the previous school year to see if she had an opening in her classroom for me to work as a paraprofessional again. I also emailed my advisor and asked about classes and what my next move would be to do classes that semester. All of this was done on a whim and without knowing what the Lord wanted me to do. Looking back now I think he had his hand in it because everything seemed to fall into place just the way I needed it to. My boss texted me back and let me know that a student had been added to her caseload the day before I texted her and therefore, she had an opening in her classroom. Pause, can we talk about an act of the Lord and Him working for my favor. The day before I texted her, she had someone put on her caseload. I also got an email from my advisor wanting to set up a Zoom meeting to talk about classes. We had to work fast if I was going to enroll and get into classes without being too far behind being that classes had already started for the semester. I went from thinking I was going on the Race, to being confused, to having a job, going back to school, and still feeling conflicted all in a matter of days.
Confusion and God’s Timing
After all that happened, I was still so confused and conflicted with my faith and my trust in the Lord. God called me to missions and told me to go and then asked me to “wait.” I didn’t know what to do with that and didn’t know where to go or what to do with my confusion and conflicted feelings about the Lord and the situation. When I am typing this, it probably will seem like the transformation from confused/conflicted to trusting God and knowing what to do next happened in a short matter of time, but it took me months to get over my mistrust and hurt and to just cry out to God. Then it took a month or two more to know what to do and to build that trust with the Lord again. After everything, I prayed and asked the Lord many things and many times, repeatedly. The Lord guided me to finish school and get that out of the way and then go on the Race. I truly believe that if I had gone on the Race in September 2023 I would not have gone back to school and wouldn’t have ended up finishing my degree or graduating. I think it was God’s timing and interest to have me wait so that I can have my degree and be done with school so that I have options. Yes, he is calling me to full-time ministry and wants me out there spreading the gospel, but God is also a protector and wants to make sure that we are protected for when things don’t work out or things change. Also, I wholeheartedly believe that my degree is going to come in handy somewhere in his plan and will be used to glorify Him. I know I don’t know how yet but one day it will be revealed, and I will be relieved that he allowed me to finish school. I can truthfully say that I trust the Lord with all his decisions for my life and everything that he has ahead of me. I believe that he had called me to missions and to the Race the first time and then needed to have that be delayed for the long haul and plan for the long run. I truly believe the Lord has called me to Missions. Not just short-term missions or mission trips but for me to live on full-time mission which is why he needed me to wait so that this can be the start of something impactful and something that I am fully invested in because it will be the start to my life’s calling.
Currently/Life Now
With all that said, I still have been praying and letting the Lord guide me in my decisions. I still feel like this is what the Lord is calling me to and what he has next for me. I didn’t like his timing when it happened but now, I know that his timing is always good and gracious. Trusting the Lord is important and being willing to do things that you don’t understand in the moment. A little life update, I will be a student teacher starting at the end of August until the beginning of December. Which will allow me to graduate with an Elementary Education Degree in December. I have been continually working on my relationship with the Lord. It is a rollercoaster of ups and downs just like life but all that truly matters is I am reading/diving into his word, I am relying on Him, praying, and I am in relationship with Him. That is the most important thing, and it may look better and feel better at times but even when I am struggling, I don’t just shut Him out I work through things alongside Him and with Him. I can’t wait to be leaving for training camp at the beginning of January. I am so excited and can’t wait to go on this journey and overall spread the love and word of the Lord.
Support is Needed!
Prayerfully:
- For guidance and comfort from the Lord.
- For Him to ease my anxiety about fundraising and for Him to bring people to my attention.
- For student teaching to go well.
Financially:
- I am 12% funded which puts me at $2,431.80.
- In total, I need $19,350.
- My next deadline is November 29, 2024. I need to be at 25% which is $4,837.5.
I would love it if you would support me either in prayer or through a financial donation. I plan to create a fundraiser soon and will be posting about it soon through social media and possibly here. If you are interested in knowing more information or have questions feel free to contact me in the comments, through the Contact Me feature, or if you know me text/call me.
