Hey everybody!
I have crazy and exciting news… I am over halfway through my time here on the world race!!! This trip has been such a blessing in so many ways, and it’s so bittersweet to think that I’m already halfway through. I have met so many amazing people that I know I will never forget and have impacted me in ways they will never know. I have seen God show up in my life time and time again in ways that continue to broaden my understanding of just how big and good He is. He has taught me so much, and I can confidently say that my faith and relationship with God has already grown so much. I can’t wait to see how much more He does with this second half.
If you have been keeping up with my facebook and/or instagram (gabifish23), you’ll know that I am currently in Albania. For those of you who know me, you can probably guess how excited I am to be here, considering I’ve wanted to go to Europe practically my entire life. Let me tell you, it is living up to my hopes and dreams (plus more!) I am absolutely LOVING it here. From the architecture and cobblestone roads to the people and their culture, it is definitely my favorite place I have been so far. We have already made such sweet friends and evangelism opportunities and that honestly started the day that we got here. The church we are partnering with, ICF Tirana, is so amazing, and I have had a great time getting to know the youth and the young adults so far. It’s been really cool to hang out with Christians who are around my age but from a different country, it takes youth group and young adults group to a whole different level. It makes me even more in awe of the Lord and how big He is. These kids and adults are following the same God as me, yet probably have such a different experience and relationship with Him than we do in America. But at the same time, we are all reading the same Bible and can talk about it for so long and it’s just so cool to me.
So there seems to be a consistent theme in my life right now that I have been working through with God, and I have written about it I think the past two weeks, but I have more to add so I am going to write about it again.
I have been having a hard time with seeing the point in what we’re doing, feeling like what I’m doing is kind of pointless, and maybe even considering the idea of regretting coming on this trip when it comes to the ministry aspect. I will be honest, this trip doesn’t look like I thought it would. However, isn’t that how it goes most of the time when you’re living life with Christ? Oftentimes we have these expectations set and when they don’t get met we feel disappointed, like we failed, like we aren’t where we are supposed to be, and can become doubtful and full of regret. We can so easily forget that God’s plan is quite literally PERFECT and would NEVER lead us down a path that He doesn’t want us. I keep thinking back to this verse that my best friend put in a notebook she gave me for this trip: Esther 4:14 – which talks about being somewhere “for such a time as this.” I like this verse because it reminds me that God’s plan is perfect and He has me exactly where I am for a reason. Plus, He turns our mistakes to good, so even us messing up doesn’t stop God from growing us and doing something good.
I think I had this vision of myself sharing the gospel on the streets left and right, and doing all of this crazy manual labor to help people in poor and run down areas. I think I was focused more on what I was going to do instead of what God was going to do. And honestly, I started to doubt His plan when it wasn’t going the way I thought it should be going. Thankfully God is so gracious and loving towards me. I was talking about all of this to my parents, and I was reminded of two things: 1. The actual planned ministry might not seem very “successful” to me, but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t using me in other ways, many of which I probably don’t even realize. Maybe God has me here so that I can say one thing to one person, and that thing will go on to change that person’s life and many others, or maybe something not as drastic, but equally as meaningful in the aspect of eternity like showing God’s love to someone who has never felt such genuine love aimed towards them before. I honestly have no idea about what God could be doing in the background that I don’t notice or think twice about. 2. I am unfortunately a sinful human who messes up (so I don’t have to beat myself up about my doubting), and that’s just part of life that allows me to continue to grow. He has shown my doubts to me and led me back to a place of fully trusting His plan for not not my future, but for my current situation as well.
That’s another thing. For the longest time, I was so worried about my future and didn’t even think to just give it up to the Lord and trust that He had a plan and wouldn’t let me down. When I finally gave it up to God, I thought that my trust in His plans for me was at 100% and that I would never doubt His plan for me ever again. However, I have come to the realization that there is still a whole area of trust that I didn’t realize I was lacking in (also, I’m human so there will obviously be moments in my future where fear and doubt will unfortunately creep back in). I “overcame” my fears about God’s plan for my future, but I still have doubts about my current life that I am living. In a way, I think giving up fear of the future is easier than having to trust God with something you are currently dealing with. I can easily say I’m not worried about my future because I’m preoccupied with being on this trip and that future is still many months away. However, my current doubts and fears and right now I have no way of running from them and distracting myself with something else. I actually have to give this up to God and trust that even though things aren’t going the way I thought they should and I can’t currently see what God is doing, He’s still moving and is in control of right now as well as the future. Instead of being upset and doubtful and focusing on what isn’t happening, I can be asking God what He wants me to do, and also just spend more time with Him and grow my relationship and faith with Him. Because honestly, that’s one of the most important and best things about this trip, all the time I can spend with God if I actually press in and take advantage of this opportunity.
Hopefully next time I write a blog I can say that I’ve successfully done this, but I know that faith is something that is always growing and I will probably always be working on this. I’m thinking that this kind of faith is something you’re always going to be learning and growing in, and that’s okay (as long as you’re actually trying to grow it).
Ok, that’s all I have for this blog. As usual, I ask that you continue to be in prayer for me and my team.
I am exactly $2,600 away from being 100% funded and I have 1 month until I am supposed to reach this goal. I am currently doing this adopt a square fundraiser (shown below), and I am asking that you would help me by choosing just one square, no matter the number, and donate that. Every single dollar helps. You can click this link to go to my fundraiser page. Thank you so much!!
~ Gabi
