I was so excited to come to Southeast Asia because it was a place my dad dearly loved. Other squad mates were not as excited and since being have said this is their least favourite country. It’s been hard for me to express how I’ve felt because I have certain expectation. Therefore, my time here has been different.
The Southeast Asia culture is so different than ours. In our western culture if you invite someone over to your house, you might have a spare room but if not, you might get a cot on the floor. However, in this culture they give you their own bed. Hospitality is high on their value list, but this is determined by your caste.
The caste system itself hasn’t been hard but being apart of it has been. At first it felt like I was just viewing it, I could chalk it up to cultural differences and it isn’t bad just different. However, the more I’ve been here and become more immersed into the system, I realize how corrupt it is. Valuing people based on their accomplishments, ethnicity or money is so contradictory of what the bible says.
Matthew 25:40, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these… you did for me.”
I realize on this trip how I view the poor and beggars is not how God views them. I slid into thinking they are devious and lowly. I placed myself above them by the way I interacted with them. I would turn my back and ignore them. My heart broke when I realized what I was doing. How these are all God’s people, I am really in no place to judge. However, I’ve been confronted with the dilemma what am I supposed to do? Give them money? Buy what they are offering? Yet, Jesus was born into a cast system. How did he engage?
People are corrupt and especially if you haven’t been taught differently, people take advantage. So how do I engage without it being to much? Because it’s not one time, if you allow one person to take a picture, then another person wants a picture, and another, and another, and soon there is a crowd of people. I don’t understand this culture, I don’t know what to do. I feel bad for saying no to a picture, I want to give these people what they ask for especially since it is so small but is it?
How can I help these people with my privilege? Where is my place? Where can I actually make a difference? Because I don’t think handing granola bars to beggars on the street is really what they want.
How does this shame and honour culture work? Why do I get to sit on a chair when all these people are sitting on the floor? Will I shame them by sitting beside them? Or dishonour them by not taking the chair? I want to sit with the little children and play with them, yet I am being called over back to “my people.”
When I realize my fault and try to reach out, others say no. These people want me to touch them, pray for them, because why? Because I am white? Because I am anointed? I am not holier than anyone yet that’s not the way it feels when I am being crowded.
Our placement also doesn’t help with this feeling as we aren’t working with a specific ministry. We are bouncing around a little, seeing more of the country, going to various churches and there is not a lot that is consistent. I really desire good hard work in my life. It gives me purpose especially in a country where I am feeling helpless.
A church we visited also has contributed to this uneasy feeling. Like Nepal some Southeast Asian churches also struggle knowing the bible. The pastor and congregation aren’t educated in the bible and thus influenced by their heritage and culture. The congregation want to make the pastor their guru instead of Jesus. For the pastor that can be a compromising place to be as our fleshly self enjoy the power and validation.
The congregation can also get caught up in the emotional experiences vs biblical truths. This is different than our western society because we are on the other side of the spectrum. We have so much bible knowledge but it doesn’t impact our lives. However, Southeast Asians are living for the emotional high and lack to understand who Christ is. None is better than the other. We need to know both are not in line with how Christ wants us to live. Both need repentance to bring back into unity with Christ.
Another aspect is being in the place my dad dearly loved. My dad has passed away in 2019 which has made this hard. I will never be able to share this experience with him. I have grown in my understanding of what my dad would have experienced as a child and we can never talk about it. He won’t ever be able to show me his favourite places or foods. I didn’t think this mattered. I didn’t know how greatly Southeast Asia impacted him till I got here, till I saw and experienced the culture. I didn’t know the questions to ask. I didn’t understand.
I thought I would love to be in the places my dad loved but honestly it just makes me sad. Reminds me of all the things I missed out on. How I missed out on him, how I was never really was apart of his life. I just didn’t know, I didn’t understand how to be there for my dad.
I am processing through these questions and emotions, or I’ve been avoiding them, because I had expectations, and the answers are hard understand. That is this country has been different for me.
