I am not sure if I could have ever imagined myself writing this post. In many ways I am at a loss for words, which if you know me personally is an incredibly rare occasion, as to how the Lord has shaped this “yes” of mine.
When I was twelve, I ripped from the binds of my composition notebook a piece of paper, where I proceeded to write down a life agenda that I would later tape to my mirror as motivation every morning. I would wake up, get dressed, and as I did my hair review my ridgid plan. Every so often, I would find it in myself to make the slightest revision. For years, I adopted a firm and unyielding perspective to accomplish the goals I once dreamt of pursuing. When I entered college, I was still subject to my own constriction.
My second year at university, I set out to Poland for a mission trip affiliated with my local college ministry. Prior to the trip, I was applying to graduate schools for a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling knowing that my heart was shifting and I did not fully believe this was where the Lord was asking me to serve. On the mission trip, I was surrounded by the idea of surrender and sacrifice, still naively ignoring my burning passion for ministry. I contemplated how to best proceed with my relationship with Christ. A week following, I called on a close friend to pray with me. For one of the first times, I relaxed, and wholly sat in the stillness the Lord so graciously provides. Boldly, this same friend highlighted my zeal specifically for empowering the women of the Lord’s Kingdom, and contrary to what the church once spoke upon me, expressed I have a powerful voice the Lord would surely use as His vessel.
After that prayer, I have redirected my focus toward a career in ministry, however that may look, declaring the Lord’s work proudly and confidently before others. While this decision was at first daunting, my security remains in scriptures like Proverbs 3:5-6, “trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
So why race? At first, it was a fleeting thought. Then, after some more intentional prayer I sensed the Lord placing a seed for global missions within me. I have always lived in the greater Seattle area, and consequently, my perception of the Kingdom at large is skewed. My soul craves to experience the fullness of God, to know Him intimately and intentionally. With that, I am confident that the situations and environments I will engage in will facilitate the relational depth I thirst for uniquely. Notably, in many ways, my “yes” to race contradicts the strict routine I once lived, and predictably, I have found so much freedom in laying my plans before the Lord and relying on the path He has drawn for me.
Still, I decided to converse with the Lord, asking if this was truly His wish for me. Over the course of a few months, it was as if my mind fixated on the idea. In church one day, after being prompted to sit with the Holy Spirit, I heard the Lord assure that He is proud of me. Immediately, I reacted humanly, internalizing that “I must have heard wrong” or “maybe that is simply something my heart yearns to hear”. Until, the pastor, who I had yet to be introduced to came over and explained “whatever you heard from the Lord, know He wants you to believe that to be true.” Instantly, I was brought to tears in awe of how sweet and gentle the Lord’s voice sounds.
A few weeks following, I received a vision of me on the race, dancing in a circle with the Lord’s children, chanting and celebrating how wonderful He is. As I continued to discern, I was faced with many worthwhile questions, and having considered the realities I would walk into, I still felt this sincere desire to lean in. So on what seemed a mundane Monday morning, I made a proclamation of my faith, and said “I give you my doubts, I lay my fear at your feet, and declare I believe this is where you are directing me” “I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
When I consider the six countries and various cultures I will encounter, my soul radiates a hope to experience Jesus newly and profoundly, to learn more about His craftsmanship and divine nature. I enter this “yes” humbly and reliant on the Lord, praying for continued fervor and the strength to step into the novel circumstances to come.
So, what are my next steps? Come August 31 2024, I embark on the mission. But, the process begins today. In fellowship with the Lord, I must raise $19,700. I am asking for partnership both financially and in prayer. I cannot begin to express the gratitude I hold for those who decide to walk alongside me, and I continue to proclaim prayers of thanksgiving for how Jesus is moving in any “yes” “And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Colossians 3:17
