Hi friends,
While I am unsure how to write what I’m about to say in this blog, I pray that the Lord will give me the words to communicate how I’ve been feeling honestly and truthfully, not discouraging you, my readers. The harsh reality and unbridled truth I’ve realized is that training camp has not been all sunshine and rainbows for me. Whether it was laziness, naivety, or trusting that the World Race would solve all my problems, the reality is that isn’t the case, which should’ve been more obvious to me than it was. Since being here, I won’t lie, it has been challenging in many ways. It’s hard to admit, but coming from a background of never having a solid church or community and moving around a lot has caused this bad habit of saying I’m a Christian but ultimately living a lukewarm lifestyle. I have never truthfully read my Bible more than a couple of days in a row. I would listen to teachings from various pastors and influences in my life and base my entire identity on what they taught but never dove into my identity in Christ myself or took what they taught back to the Bible. Since being here, my heart has never felt so many questions about what truth is. Do I even know God? Can I discern the voices I hear from myself, the enemy, and the Lord in my head or do they all sound the same? I’ve always been told to compare a thought to God’s character but do I even know God’s character? Ultimately, the conviction from the Holy Spirit has made me realize both the lack of knowledge I have and the lack of effort I’ve been putting into nurturing my faith and relationship with the Lord. I love God, but why have I gotten so comfortable in this sinful lifestyle and so used to living a life that doesn’t reflect loving Him the way He deserves? Hebrews 3:12-13 “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Things I’ve been taught here over the past three weeks have been scary and uncomfortable, talking about subjects I have never heard of from any church, sermon, or person of influence in my life. I’m realizing it’s not on them but myself. Can God use people to heal others? What is speaking in tongues? Do people get prophetic visions from the Lord? What is the gift of prophecy and is it truthful? What is the Spiritual Realm and what is casting out demons? Why am I surrounded by a room of people in love with the Lord, understanding and feeling His presence, while I am feeling lost and angry that I don’t get it? But here’s what I do know, I AM A DAUGHTER TO THE KING! My identity is not rooted in what I do, what I have, or what others think about me, but in who God calls me to be and who He has crafted me to be: in His image, perfect. God is within me and that is something the enemy cannot take away from me because I am saved IN JESUS’ NAME. I knew going into the World Race that my faith was going to be stretched in ways I could have never thought or imagined and when you are living in a trial it is easy to let the enemy speak lies and deceit but I refuse to fall victim to these tricks. Romans 5:3-5 “Not only that, but rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” While I do not have all the answers to all my questions and my heart is thirsty to know the truth, I do know that God is with me in every situation and is going to continue to reveal things to me over these next 9 months. I truly laugh at the enemy’s attempts to get my faith to falter because IT WILL NOT WORK. Ephesians 4:27 “and give NO OPPORTUNITY to the devil.” The other night was a revival night and I truly was seated on the ground confused and feeling sorry for myself, but I continued to worship because the devil has no hold on me and HE HAS WON, GOD HAS WON! Psalms 59:10 “My God in his steadfast love will meet me; God will let me look in triumph on my enemies.” It can be easy sometimes to compare my training camp to others and question the differences but ultimately God knows his plan for me. He is with me every step of this journey and I am supposed to be here because He called me to go. Matthew 28:19 “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” and so I went.
Please be praying for…
- Discipline. Pray that I will not only grow in my faith and knowledge of what I believe but that I will die to my flesh and be obedient to what God has called me to do. Luke 9:23 “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”
- An open heart and mind to these topics that I am unfamiliar with, and pray that I will find the truth for myself and not rely on others but on God alone. Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
- Funding. I am still short $5,000 so please pray that the funds for my trip would come in miraculous ways and ways that are out of my control but in God’s control. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
If you feel led to donate, follow the link below…
Thank you all for your constant support and prayers, there is so much more to come and I cannot wait!
Sophie 🙂
