I have applied to go to Camp Sagitawa this summer after I come back from the race. I am an external processor, so when I did my interview for this Christian summer camp I learned a lot about what I think! During my interview, I was enlightened by what I thought as I shared my answers. I want to share these answers with you so that you can have a deeper understanding of where I am at.
The first question I was asked was how I would describe myself. (These answers aren’t direct quotes from my interview, as they are more inspired by the interview.) I was intrigued by how I answered this first one so quickly and simply.
“I am a disciple of the Lord.”
I am His child, first and foremost.
Secondarily, I am extroverted, enthusiastic, and outgoing. I don’t believe in the status quo but live my life outwardly for the Lord. I love Jesus.
The second question was asked about my current lifestyle, where I have grown, and the challenges I have faced.
I am currently traveling the world and sharing the gospel with people. I have experienced a lot of growth. I am quite uncomfortable here, not physically but emotionally. I feel a lack of support in the community that I am in. I have learned that I struggle with my reputation. This is something I discovered at the beginning of the race but it has been reaffirmed that it is still something deep within me. Therefore, without the necessary support, I feel that I need around me, I have become more focused on how I present myself versus doing the ministry that the Lord has called me to do. I find myself looking around and wondering how my squad views me. Not that I stop doing ministry work, but it becomes a split focus. Instead of diving in deep into what He is calling me to do, I find myself worried about what I might look like to others. Now I wonder what it might look like if I wasn’t performing for those around me.
I was asked what was the best thing in my life right now.
My first reaction is Jesus, but that doesn’t feel fully authentic. I would probably say the community of the people back home. Especially during the hard times, when I particularly feel the isolated. I have come to realize what a blessing those people are.
Most of the people I am with are introverted and would rather spend time by themselves than be with people. I am energized by engaging with people and an external processor, therefore, having the ability to connect back home with people has helped give me the life I’ve been lacking. I’ve come to understand I haven’t been authentically myself here because I have been struggling with rejection. Therefore, talking to people who know me for me, where I don’t have to pretend or tame down my emotions, is another way my community back home is the best thing in my life right now.
The second best thing in my life right now is the ministry I am working with. We are working with an international church named GraceLife, I am super thankful for them. They have such a focus on discipleship and outreach, and I have really connected well with the local people within this ministry in Albania.
The next question was how has your understanding of God changed or shifted?
I have come to understand God’s will to a greater degree. God’s will is for all of us to know about Him, to come to salvation, and to enter His Kingdom. His will is His perfect design for humanity, which includes healing. We often get caught up in the good things that God gives, that we miss Him, His holiness, and goodness. We fall for what is good versus pushing into what is godly. God’s will is for me to be holy and what should I do with this holiness? Bring others to know about His kingdom. There is an urgency to understand what this means. Who will know if no one tells them?
This urgency has given me the motivation to share the gospel with people. If something were to happen to them, they would miss out on eternity with Him! Evangelism is always something I’ve felt like I should be doing. However, I’ve still struggled with the fear of man and how I will be perceived. Nevertheless, God asks us to step out of that and into His Spirit to share with others about Him.
I hope this gives a deeper understanding of what I am learning and the growth that has taken place. Thank you again for your support and prayers!
