Wow, I truly am in shock at how quickly this time in Cambodia has come and gone. If I had to sum it up into a couple of words I would choose relationships and growth. At the beginning of our time here I didn’t see how we could truly make that big of an impact with the ministry assigned to us. Now that we have left though, I have a whole new perspective. Something the Lord brought to my attention back in Guatemala was the power of presence. Here, I feel like God revealed what it means to truly love everyone unconditionally and meet them exactly where they are at. When setting aside judgment where it’s not my place to judge or assume, I’ve gained a much clearer perspective of how Jesus loves each of us wholeheartedly. I’ve always known there’s nothing I can do to change the love He has for me but having to do the same for others has given me a deeper knowledge of this truth that He has promised me. I’ve really tried to take this month to step back and listen with an open heart. It’s taught me so much!
One of the biggest areas of growth would probably have to be the discernment of when to speak up vs. when to simply love. Just a few weeks ago I had the perspective of “If there’s feedback to give, just give it”. I’ve learned to better discern whether patience and love are more Christ-like in the moment or lovingly calling others into deeper growth is more Christ-like. Ultimately, God is the One who refines each of our hearts and does the hard work but He does use us sometimes to bring to attention areas of growth for those around us…. But not always. He will bring each of our flaws to our attention in His perfect timing and that’s something He is so patient with. My point here is, that a huge part of true unconditional love means being patient with others’ growth and flaws. Allowing others to be patient with mine as well has been a huge area of growth.
I think living with the boys this month has been so beneficial and stretching as well. I’m grateful we got to have intentional time to grow in our relationship with each of them. They all have such a heart for Christ and getting to see that in new ways was truly good for all of us. One of my favorite parts was doing ministry with them a few times. We helped teach swim lessons to the kids they worked with in the village and a few of us got to join a day in the village as well. We got to see God truly work on, change, and grow each of their hearts deeper for Him. It had its challenges as well but I think they were able to serve as growth in our walk with God and we were able to help them grow in their walk with the Lord as well. I’m convinced we got to see sides of them that would only be shown by all of us living together. Good of course. 🙂 I enjoyed our time living with their team and it that is one thing I will miss leaving behind in Cambodia.
Not only were we able to grow in relationships with our team and the boy’s team, but especially at school. Leaving the school this last Friday, the teachers hosted a little appreciation meeting for us. They gave us sandwiches, boba tea, and oranges. That was great of course but each of them told us how we personally made an impact on their lives and the kids. Overall how we made an impact at the school and how we lifted weight off their shoulders by the work or help we provided. It was so beautiful to hear from their perspective our impact and I don’t think we knew how much we meant to them until they expressed it so beautifully. As I mentioned in my last blog, I really clicked with the teacher I was working with and we were able to speak truth into each other’s lives. We would find more and more similarities with each other just about every day and she truly helped me grow in discernment for what the Lord is speaking to me/. For others. She has such a beautiful, humble, hungry, pure heart for God. She helped me grow in vulnerability and trusted me with her heart as well which left room for me to speak into her situations in life. I also learned in that area of life it fills me so deeply to love others that way. Even with teachers outside of my own, I had daily jokes with or beautiful conversations. Looking back, we thought we were there to pour into the kids’ lives, which we did, but I think our true purpose there was to pour into each of the teachers and their walk with Christ.
I’m still processing and figuring out this area of growth but I’m stepping into such a deeper and intimate relationship with Christ that is hard to understand. Slowing down in life to appreciate alone time, relationships, community, God’s creation, and life has shifted my heart’s perspective on everything. I‘m stepping deeper into an intimacy with the Lord where I can almost tell when I’m walking inside and outside of His will for me. We do have free will so not in a controlling kind of way but more of a discernment kind of way. When I step back and let Christ speak through me (abiding in His vine – John 15) words and prayers just flow so beautifully. When I’m trying to speak out of my own desires I struggle to form sentences sometimes. Not always, but stepping into deeper intimacy with God has led to a deeper awareness of what’s healthy and what’s not in the way. The Holy Spirit is so present and active within every step I make and It is life-changing in a way I can’t fully explain right now. His word refines our hearts so beautifully.
I think to sum everything up into an understandable phrase right now, I would say this… God is walking me through changing things I have head knowledge of and turning them into heart knowledge. He is doing so much deep growth in me and using relationships to assist in that growth. I’m so thankful for this season of life and can’t wait to see what Africa has in store for each of us. I’m SO excited… Africa has been my dream to serve in since like 11 years old! I’ll ask for prayers to press into each moment here. I want to make the most of each moment, whether that’s growing in alone time or pressing into community. I’m still learning a healthy balance of those both.
Bible study skit!
My class room!
The crickets we ate… yum. 
Our team with some of the class kiddos!
Me and Annie
