Returning Home

A Week with Mom

My time back in Canada, all began with running hugs and tears. I was so relieved to be home, to be back in my mother’s arms and back in my country, with my family and friends.

As soon as my mother saw me walking out from security, she came running. Tears filled both our eyes as we wrapped our arms around each other. In that moment, I felt so loved, so welcomed back into my family’s embrace. I was finally home.

Next, the simple task of retrieving my luggage. This hiking backpack had been around the world with me, and honestly, I couldn’t wait to never have to use it again! My mom worried about how I’d adjust, but I felt like the same person who had left—just with a bit more emotional baggage. 

The week was spent drinking tea, unpacking and repacking. I found myself letting go of clothes that no longer seemed necessary. People had mentioned the idea of purging my whole wardrobe at home after the race, but now I understood it firsthand. Having lived with so much less, the items I’d been holding onto suddenly didn’t seem useful anymore.

My Second Home

After my time at my parents’ place came to a close, excitement bubbled up for the next chapter: camp! Camp Sagitawa holds my friends and community, which I love dearly. As I drove up to the parking lot, my two best friends ran toward me with open arms and embraced me in a giant hug. They held me so tight—it had been far too long since we’d seen each other. 

For the next three weeks, I settled back into the routines of camp life. It felt so natural to be there again. Everything fell back into place. I knew this place, I understood how camp ran, and I knew I belonged. While I was sad to have missed the beginning of the summer, I was happy to be home again as I caught up on all the stories and happenings from the past months.

During the final week of camp, I had the privilege of serving as a cabin leader. I was ecstatic when I was called into the director’s office while deep cleaning, and my initial thought was, ‘Great, no more cleaning!’ I would much rather build into tiny humans than scrub on my hands and knees—though both have their place in God’s kingdom! That week was hard, but not for the reasons I had expected.

I found myself with the privilege of co-leading a cabin with someone I had once mentored in 2022. At first, I felt hesitant about how we’d work together given our past differences. However, God worked it out so beautifully. I quickly realized that I needed to treat her as a peer rather than a mentee, which allowed me to let go of my “teacher” role and build a deeper friendship, learning to lean on each other as partners.

We led a split-age group of girls, ranging from young children to early adolescents, some of whom were sisters. I was humbled as I took on the role of the less ‘cool’ cabin leader. Still, I had to remind myself that my worth doesn’t come from the approval of kids. I needed to stay grounded in my identity in Christ. If I let their opinions define me, then they would dictate how camp runs—and honestly, that wouldn’t be a camp I would want to go to. 

The adolescent girls ended up leaving early, a scenario that had been difficult for me in the past. But this time, I handled it better. Instead of enforcing strict rules about calling home, I allowed them to call, even though I knew they’d ask to go home early. I used to see myself as responsible for keeping the kids at camp, believing that if they left, I’d fail. But I’ve learned that it’s not my job to keep them there—God is in control of their paths, and I am learning to release that responsibility. By the end of camp, I had only one girl left who chose not to leave early.

A Set Back

After camp, I made some poor choices and stepped out of God’s will. I am now being more intentional about staying on the right path, but I’m still fighting. During the following two weeks, I helped my dear friend Anna settle into her new home. Unfortunately, my earlier decisions had cast a shadow on our time together. I found myself hiding, filled with shame and embarrassment for falling back into old sinful habits. I knew what I did was wrong, but I still found myself questioning the “why.” I was wrestling with God, wondering why He hadn’t fulfilled my desires. I believed that if all my wants were met, I wouldn’t seek fulfillment elsewhere.

I used to think that my sin only affected me, especially when it didn’t involve others. I was content living in my sin, thinking it was solely my issue. But I’ve learned that sin is like a disease—it spreads and corrodes everything it touches. I saw this clearly before the summer of 2023 when I missed an important opportunity to connect with the teens at camp because I was preoccupied with my sin. I had prioritized my sin over an opportunity God had given me. My actions compromised my values and impacted the people I deeply care about—those whom God had entrusted to me. I realized then that sin never delivers on its promises.

Back to Camp -Redemption

After spending time with Anna, I returned to camp. With camp now in its rental season, priorities had shifted, but help was still needed, so I offered my assistance in the kitchen. During my first week back, I shared a room with a young woman, and over that time, a beautiful friendship blossomed. This friendship became a redemption arc for me. 

I had always thought I was good at making friends, but my experiences overseas made me question that. I realized I had been trying to connect with people in ways that didn’t always align with their cultural norms. But this new friendship showed me that I wasn’t solely responsible for those failed relationships.

A Fever Dream

As my new friend moved on to different adventures, I faced the decision of where I wanted to live. Initially, I had been staying in a highly coveted cabin, but when my roommate moved out, I opted for a smaller space. I was then offered the first aid room, where I had lived during my year-round camp stay. That time at camp was difficult, as I struggled to build connections, lacked companionship, and fought loneliness. I didn’t want to move back into that room, while it was a good space for that time, all those emotions still lived in that room. I chose to move to another location. However, moving to a new place didn’t come without its own setbacks.

I was excited to move into a new place, but as soon as I did, a wave of hopelessness flooded over me. It felt as if the past year hadn’t happened.  It was like it was all a fever dream, and I was back at square one. Depression set in, and old patterns came back. I thought, “How did I get back here?” As I realized what was happening, I had to remind myself, “This is only temporary.” I wasn’t going to be here forever; this was just for a time.

The Next Chapter

The next chapter started with a funeral and ended in a birth, reminding me how life can be taken but also given. During the next phrase God brought new life into this world with the birth of my niece. I have only covered a part of my time at home, as I spent total of five months in Canada.  At the end, Canada began to lose its appeal. God orchestrated it that way so that I would return to the field, to the place I find myself now.

What a such it relief to return home, to be back in Canada. It felt like I could finally breathe again, my lungs filling with air for the first time in a long time. These reunions were incredibly rewarding, especially after a year filled with so many hardships. I had made it! I had fought the good fight, and now I was home—no longer needing to fight, but simply able to be. I cherished the time spent just being with my family and friends.

Thank you for your prayers and support throughout this journey. I couldn’t have finished without you. The words of encouragement and wisdom you shared will always be treasured in my heart. They were the fuel that kept me moving forward, pressing toward the goal.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:6