While we are all still so thankful to be alive after the landslide, the truth is that we’re still struggling to live fully. Now, not everyone on the Squad is struggling with PTSD or living in fear, and those who are struggling aren’t living like this 24/7, but I still want to put this out here so we can be receiving prayer!
It used to be so easy to ignore loud cracking noises. Silly little screams used to be a reason to laugh. Rain used to be an excuse to dance in God’s creation.
I know we’ll get back to this normal way of living at some point, but for now, it’s really hard. When I hear a crack, I’m ready to run. When I hear a scream, I wondering when I’ll be safe again. When I hear the rain pounding on the roof, I’m no longer safe in Guatemala, but back in Black Mountain.
I’m not trapped in fear, but it’s knocking on the door. There are times when it feels like a struggle to walk in love instead of fear.
90% of the time I’m completely fine. I’m laughing with my friends, learning more about God, and leaning into the gifts He has given me.
But that 10% of the time when something happens to remind me of that time is hard. A part of me wants to condemn myself for not walking in perfect love all the time, but that’s a trap from the enemy.
Please be praying for a release from the fear of the triggering noises, forgiveness for myself, freedom to live how I was always meant to, and a deeper longing to know God as my Father, Provider, Protector, and Savior!
