The following is a little different blog and writing describing an encounter I had with the Lord at my most recent Turkey debrief. I had been struggling in sensing the Lord’s presence through my secret place. I was questioning if the Lord really wanted to meet with me. I met with one of our beloved, trusted coaches, Perry, who explained that God could sanctify my imagination and walked me through some questions and prayers to ask. Safe to say, the Lord showed up and I am forever changed…
The Day Jesus Revealed His Face to Me
Scared to dive into my own imagination
We asked the Holy Spirit for my mind’s sanctification
I searched for God in a secret place
He brought me to a meadow
Full of grass, flowers, sunshine, there were no shadows
I looked for Jesus there with me
He lay beside me but all I could see was his body’s form
He wore a long white tunic, sandaled feet
But His face was unrevealed to me
“Why can’t I see your face, Jesus?” I asked.
He revealed my fears: “I’m scared to see you wrong. I don’t want to see the classic whitewashed painting version or the man who plays you in The Chosen
I want to see you right”
“God is able to reveal himself to you rightly. Ask Him.” – My coach, Perry, said.
“God, why can’t I see your face?” I ask again.
I look. I strain. My Savior’s face still won’t come into focus.
“God, it feels like you’re withholding yourself from me.” – Fran
“I don’t withhold myself from my children.” – Jesus reminds me.
“It feels like you’re hiding.” – Fran
“Sometimes God hides himself in order to lead you somewhere to reveal and show you something.” – Perry
“God, are you leading me somewhere? Can you take me there?” – Fran
Jesus takes my hand as a gentle friend.
He leads me along a path in the forest in fall.
The autumn leaves shine orange, red, gold. I love the fall. Jesus knows that.
“Aren’t these leaves beautiful? I created them in my image” He says.
“Yes, they are. I really want to see your face though. Can you please just show me your face, God?” – Fran
The image changes. Suddenly, I’m staring at my own face. Close up. In full, scrutinizing detail. What? Why?
My Creator speaks:
“This is my face. Don’t you think I’m beautiful?”
I’ve spent most of my life insecure, believing that I am naturally ugly and unlovable.
“What do you mean?” – Fran
Again. “This is my face.”
The Lord shows me my mother’s loving eyes. “These are my eyes”
He shows me my Grandma Joan’s smile “This is my smile”
He shows me my nieces dancing and laughing “These are my faces too”
Then, more quickly, He shows me glimpses of my squadmates, my family, my friends back home, people from each country we’ve visited. I’m weeping now. “These are all my faces”
He shows me my cheeks “These are my cheeks”
He zooms in to my dark circles – I wish he wouldn’t, I’ve always hated those but “those are mine too. I’m shining through you, Fran” He says.
After all this, He asks again, “These are all my face. Created in my image. Don’t you think I’m beautiful?”
“I do think you’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful, Jesus!” I exclaim.
My kind Father continues to lead me (still crying) deeper into a forest clearing, the trees and ground covered in fresh fallen snow.
“It’s so beautiful, Lord. I love it like this: when the snow is still just as you created it. Before it gets stepped on by others, taken away, covered in dirt, changed or moved by shovels.” – Fran
“Exactly. My image has always been most clearly seen in you before it’s changed, covered up, or taken away.” – Jesus
I’m elated. “I LOOK LIKE JESUS.” We wear His image on our face. In our personality. In our gifts and desires. I get to see more of His face and character through every person I meet and get to know.
Fears I’d been carrying about coming home regarding looking and acting like a completely different person melt away. I look like Jesus. I *hope* people can see the difference and see how they can look like Jesus too.
It’s been two months since I had this encounter with the Lord. Life is different now. I see my beautiful Jesus in myself and each person I meet. His eyes, His smile, His skin, His heart, and His hugs are so warm and kind. A reminder of His presence and image in every bit of creation. I want to see and know more of Jesus in everyone and everything – and He’s given me another day to do it. There are people that are still lost. People who still don’t know whose face they have. Whose image they were created in. Whose purpose they were created for. Who they’re seen, known, and deeply loved completely by. They need to know.
I enjoy being saved, healed, freed, known and loved by Jesus and so would they. This isn’t just a better life I’m living, it’s a completely new one. He’s entrusted us to share His Good News. Do you believe this? Do you truly know and believe Him? Do you believe Jesus and you are beautiful?
