In the past few weeks, we have talked about the topic of testimonies and the power they have in sharing the Good News. Testimonies are stories and recollections of how God, and the Holy Spirit, are moving through our lives. What a beautiful thing! Because my team realizes the importance of a personal testimony, we have spent time listening to each person’s story about how they came to know and follow Jesus. It has been such a fruitful and encouraging thing to see how God moves throughout everyone’s lives in completely unique ways. In learning about the power of testimonies, I thought I would share how I came to know Jesus and decided to give my life to Him.
When I was four years old, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I don’t even remember the day I accepted Him. My mom does though. She has it marked on the calendar so every year I am reminded of the remarkable awakening I had at that early age. Throughout the years, I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church. I learned the morals and values of what it means to be a Christian. I served in the kids’ ministry at church. But did I really know God? Growing up I always heard stories of the rough life people lived before they became Christians and the amazing encounters they had with Jesus, which saved their lives. I was envious of that. I wanted this indescribable encounter with God. I wanted to feel His presence and know undeniably that it was Him. I was so focused on how He was working through others’ lives that I almost missed how He was working through my very own.
Then in 2018, my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. That shook me. How could this be? I cried out to God. I was mad at Him. I had so many questions. My life always felt like a fairytale – up till then. I prayed and prayed that the sickness would leave her body. My whole family did. All her friends did. We all had such hope that she would make it. Yet, that October she passed away. If we serve such a good God, where was He? How could He let such a sweet lady, loving grandmother, mother and wife go just like that? It almost broke me. I couldn’t sleep. I had crippling anxiety. I dealt with self-harm thoughts. I just felt like I was in a deep dark pit with no way out. Greif is crippling in this way. Where was the light at the end of the tunnel? There has to be a silver lining somehow. There must be hope somewhere. God doesn’t prevent the bad things from happening, but He will take them and use them for good, won’t He? As I was in my slump, the Holy Spirit sparked a memory of something I would do with my grandma. When I would stay up at night worrying, as little girls do, we would name everything we were grateful for. Even if these were just little things like, “the sky is blue” or “I had a nice dinner today.” She would remind me that there is always good to be found, even when all hope seems lost. Even with the myriads of trials and tribulations throughout my grandma’s sickness, her gaze never wavered from the Lord. She truly believed there was always good to be found, and that God was always working. My questions now became: How did she have such confidence in God? How did she have so much peace throughout the chaos? I wanted to find that. There must be a way out of the storm I was in.
So, I turned my eyes to God. Although I was still so mad at Him, I searched for Him. If He was such a light to my cancer-ridden grandmother, there had to be some peace and hope to be found in Him. Prayer and scripture had to be the way out of this pit. And sure enough, they were. As I would pray to Him, I could feel all the anxiety and worry lift from my shoulders. The Holy Spirit would comfort me and surround me with love. As I would read the Bible, the Holy Spirit would bring clarity to all the emotions I was dealing with and give me a look at God’s true character. I suddenly felt that unexplainable peace my grandma seemed to have. This gift was in fact a gift from God. This was the first time I didn’t only know God was real, but truly believed He was still the all-powerful God. I didn’t have an abrupt awakening from God like the stories of the people I had heard as a child. But I experienced God the way He saw fit for me. I had the constant urge to seek Him and find Him. And, in God’s timing, He showed Himself to me. As I reflect on my life, I can truly see how the Holy Spirit moved in me, through me, and around me. Praise the Lord!
