The Low Places

I think it’s ironic how in my last blog the Lord lead me up the mountains (spiritually) while physically being in the mountains of Thailand leading me to write the blog “High Places” and now I’m writing about the low places.

I don’t want to give off the impression, especially since my last blog, that life with Jesus is all about mountains tops and valleys. But life with Jesus isn’t a straight line either. There’s the beautiful in-between where we are mature enough in our faith to recognize our circumstances and the valleys and not allow it to affect us as much as they once did. We know Who’s with us. We begin to see the beauty in sorrow and suffering and count it all as joy, as James says.

So let’s break down “the low places”. To do that, I need to be vulnerable:

The Lord recently opened my eyes to a wound that I thought the Lord was done healing… but there’s still more He wants to show me and touch. Through this surprise, it feels like I have walked this same valley 3 different times now. It’s frustrating to feel familiar pain, to wonder why I have to walk through this a third time. “What did I not learn the first time? The second time?” is a question that’s in my head. It feels like this wound hasn’t ever really been touched by His love. He says, “This spot is reserved for my love FIRST. It needs to be the foundation.” I have noticed that I’ve experienced so much loss in this area to the point that I have built up walls without realizing it. I have ended up numbing out the pain and throwing away all the bad memories. I have forbidden God to REALLY touch and heal this part of my heart. I call this the “Mountain of Ashes”. I ask Him, “Why haven’t you done anything with this dark spot in my heart? You deliver me, set me free, love me and bear fruit everywhere else in my heart but here… why are you just leaving it?” The Lord has said that the ashes are making the soil still more fertile and are preparing it for resurrection life. This will be a very fruitful garden!! The Lord comes to restore and redeem! I was never alone in my sorrow; He shares in all my loss. He is making all things new. 

“I will watch over and care for them, and I will bring them back here again. I will build them up and not tear them down. I will plant them and not uproot them.” Jeremiah‬ ‭24‬:‭6‬

The Lord is so sweet and gentle, softening my heart to the idea of simply bringing it to Him to fill. I am at a place now where I am able to sit with Him and talk to Him about it and not stiff-arm Him from hearing any answers. One lesson I learned in Cambodia and Thailand was that the valleys are just as beautiful as the mountain tops, you just have to pause and listen in order to find the beauty.

But through the pain of the wound, I am still on the field. I ask myself, “How can I minister to people through my pain? It feels as if I have no love to give; that I have nothing to give.”

But that was the whole point of just ONE of the High Places… to joyfully go down to the valley, to the lowest place of all, to the broken, to tell of the goodness of the Shepherd. I am at another turning point with the Lord, spiritually- I guess you could say in the low of the valley- and I am also somehow in the LOWEST place in South Africa- Jeffery’s Bay, going to the broken and lowest of hearts. So through my pain, I must still joyfully enter into the ministry of giving. This quote is from a book that I am currently reading about Love: “It is utter misery to withhold love and to live only and always for oneself alone. Love must express itself in giving; must find a way to become one with others, just as He found a way to give His own life to us and thereby to become one with us!” The Lord will meet me even in my pain, even if I feel like I can’t give. HE CAN. I have already seen it on the streets! The Lord’s compassion in my heart is physically moving me towards them to talk to them and pray with them. In my weakness He is strong.

Ministry

We are officially in South Africa. Out of respect of our ministry partners and their request to keep the identity of individuals in the community safe, we don’t have many ministry pictures to share. But I can explain what we have been doing.

The first month our ministry was inconsistent: weeding/gardening, back to school program, youth programs, kids ministry, a day in classrooms preaching the Gospel, helping out another school with a track program.

This next month is a little bit different and so exciting! Since God called both boys teams to Lesotho for this month, we (my team) are picking up the ministry that one of the boys teams left, which was working at a school. At this school, we are helping out the teachers with anything they need, playing with the kids, grading papers, and the Lord is opening up doors for me to even preach the Gospel in some classrooms, as well as play worship for them on the guitar!! I AM SO STOKED to be in this ministry. The Lord has been teaching me that building relationships with people is just as a big part of ministry as any other. I am really pressing in this month to connect to teachers and encourage them. I can see so much hopelessness and dread in the teachers, and the burdens and exhaustion that the kids are carrying. We are called to be a light of the world. No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a bowl or hides it under a bed. A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light can be seen by all who enter the house. (Luke‬ ‭8‬:‭16)

I have had some conversations with the teachers about their class and their children. The hardest part about their job is having to be inclusive. This rule is given to them by authorities. Some have learning disabilities, ADHD, spelling disabilities, trouble reading, behavior issues, etc. Other kids are learning super well. She can’t stop and help the ones that need it specifically, therefore the kids are frustrated and have no desire to learn because they don’t understand, causing them to drop out of school.

Join me in prayer for these kids and their desire to learn. Pray that the Holy Spirit would anoint my words as I speak life over them and teach them what the Father says about them!!

Fundraising

I am still fundraising!!! Guys we are SO SO CLOSE!! I know God is SO faithful to his word! He has given me no reason to not trust him.

I am EXTREMELY thankful for your generosity so far. The Lord loves a cheerful giver and will bless you for funding the Gospel! I wouldn’t have been able to encourage and bring the Good News to the people I have if it wasn’t for you!

We have funded $14,172 so far and I am in need of $2,228!!! The 100% deadline is coming up super soon: Feb 15th! I am asking for your help! If you feel led to partner with me, go to the link in my instagram bio. I would NOT recommend venmo because it doesn’t work in South Africa. I wouldn’t be able to transfer it in time.

WE HAVE 21 DAYS LEFT IN SOUTH AFRICA. Our last country is Guatemala and THERE IS STILL MORE TO BE DONE WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT!!

SEND ME!!

Until next blog,

I love you,

Lexi B.