It’s officially been a little over a week here in Gainesville at training camp and it seems like I have felt the Holy Spirit in more ways than I have felt in a very long time. Let me start by explaining a bit about how the week has been going. I got dropped off by my Dad last Saturday and he got to stay the night in Gainesville to then come to a session on Sunday and a parent meeting. We were able to eat lunch together Sunday afternoon and then we finally parted ways shortly after lunch. After that I had a moment of realization that I completely separated from my friends, my dogs, my family, my home, and my beach. I remember thinking wow what have I done to be completely honest. By then I was feeling pretty uncomfortable and uneasy just because my squad hadn’t been able to bond that much probably because we were all busy freaking out about leaving home for nine months simultaneously all whilst playing it cool. So that night I went to bed a little sad a little uncomfortable in my tent and really curious about what I got myself into and what the next year of my life was going to look like. So I prayed that night just asking God to ease my soul and fill my spirit with courage and tenacity to push through those unfamiliar feelings. I woke up on Monday as if I was a new person and felt so much peace and comfort and excitement for the day ahead. Our schedule for the week has looked a little bit like this, devotions in the morning either personal or team, breakfast, worship, a session, squad time, lunch, team prayer, personal time, squad session or regular session, dinner, campus clean up, another session, and potentially more worship.
Our squad is made up of 19 girls including myself and 9 guys. The 19 girls are split up into 4 teams all led by one team leader each and then all the guys are in one team led by one guy, Jacob. There is also our Squad Mentor, Raquel, our Squad coaches Don and Heather, as well as Drew our “Mantor” (man mentor) who will help Jacob. They won’t be on the field with us the whole time but they are still a huge part of our squad. So in total, there are 37 people in our squad which is called the L squad, and right after that little bit of awkwardness in the first day and a half our squad is basically a family now. Everyone is getting along with each other so well, there isn’t any more awkwardness and everywhere I look it seems like everyone is able to talk to each other so well. It has been so beautiful to see God working in each other’s hearts so much, including myself. I have already seen so many people open up a lot more and be themselves a lot more and it seems like I have been friends with everyone for months and it has only been a week. I thank God so much for my squad and my team it really seems like God blessed me with the best people in the world to be on my team and my squad. My team is made up of me, and 4 other girls, Jillian from Texas, Aubrey who’s also from California!, Brooklynne from Iowa, and Tatianna (T) from Colorado with our team leader and the best leader ever Mary Grace from Tennessee. We are called the sunnies and It feels like we are all pieces of the perfect little puzzle. It has been so amazing being able to get to know everyone’s personalities on my team and my squad and it seems like the more I learn about people the more there is to love about them. There have been so. Many moments whether I have been talking to people one on one or in groups that I will never forget for the rest of my life and it seems like or at least I am hoping that I will be friends with them for the rest of my life. L squad for life!!!
Other than being blessed with the best squad around I have also been blessed with the best sessions and worship ever. I can easily say that I’ve never been surrounded by so many people my age who have fully devoted themselves to being so on fire for God and his promises. We have about three sessions every day and every single one has been speaking to me in a very special way. I am able to take something major from each session. Worship has been one of my favorite parts of the whole time I’ve been at training camp, which doesn’t surprise me at all just because worship is generally my favorite part of anything but especially now. I love the way I can feel the Holy Spirit among and through the room anywhere I look it seems. I am able to feel complete and total peace while lifting my hands to my savior. I have also been able to learn so many different things as I’ve been here, things that have changed my perspective on life and my walk with Jesus. It would be way too much to write about every little thing I have learned but if I could sum it up in a few sentences this is what it would be as follows. I am full with the Holy Spirit inside me, all I need to do is live with activating the Holy Spirit that is already inside of me. God has already done the hardest things necessary to let us live a life of pleasure and joy, it’s our choice to either take advantage of the fact that Jesus himself came to Earth to live a sinless life to then die the worst possible way he could’ve to take the final consequence of sin away from us to live however we want (with Jesus in our lives) or not. As opposed to sinning over and over and being bound to eternal separation from God In Hell. You always hear Jesus loves you which has just become a cliche saying to add to the book of Christianese and yes I have always known that Jesus loves me but I am realizing now more than ever that Jesus doesn’t just love me because he has to he loves me because he wants to and chooses to. I have always had a hard time accepting that just because I have always had imposter syndrome trying to understand how the Creator of the Universe would love me or even care about me. However, the more I read about God’s love the more I know that God fully and truly loves me and cares for me, and its not something that I really need to understand or comprehend. Jesus is the reason for everything and when I say everything I truly mean EVERYTHING. I have known that I’ve supposed to have believed that for my whole life but I really want to live that truth now more than ever. I see God’s hand and work in everything and for the longest time I have lived my life for myself and not for God and doing all things for him and his kingdom. I want my every breath, every word, every beat of my heart, every step I take, and every conversation I have, and just generally everything I do, I want to do for God and for his glory.
Here is a prayer that I wrote down in my journal, “Let this be my prayer to you Lord. All that I am is for you God. Every breath, every bone, every word, every beat of my heart. I want to leave everything behind to fully live for you God, fill my heart with your desires, and let me see what you see, let me speak what you speak, let me hear what you hear, let me think what you think God. I believe that without you I am a dirty broken worthless sinner. But with you, I have everything I need and everything I will ever need to fully and wholly live. God show me what I desire and I will never be perfect but I know that in your presence I never have to be, It is only by your wondrous and perfect love and blood that I am able to step into your grace and leave all my worries behind. Thank you will never be enough for you God. My all will never even be able to scratch the surface of being all that you are Oh Lord. I exalt you in the most high and I am honored to even be sitting here in your presence. I know death has no sting in your holiness. Words could never sum up the love and honor I have for you Adonai. Without you, I am nothing with you I am a child of the creator of everything and I am an heir to your throne in the kingdom of Heaven. Thank you Jesus for your everlasting mercy. All I am is in you, God. I want nothing more than you. Thank you, Father. Thank you Holy Spirit. Thank you, Jireh.”
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