What a Love, O Precious Lord

As my sophomore year of college has come to an end, and my mission trip is now just days away, I’ve spent many hours reflecting on the last year. I think of mistakes, all the times I said the wrong thing, the times I could’ve been a better friend. I think of times I tried to appear humble when my mind was filled with arrogant thoughts. I think of how each day, in some way or another I fell short. In the middle of the semester I wrote a poem that really encapsulates my reflections:

It seems like lately I fall short more than I stand firm
I keep falling into sin, oh when will learn
Why do I do the things I do not want to do!
Why doesn’t my soul yearn for every part of you
Why can I give you some parts of me but not quite all
I leave the dark parts tucked away guarded by a wall
I know you Lord, why do I think I can hide?
I love you Lord, but my soul is riddled with pride
The old me has died but I picked up the corpse
I keep giving up your peace for shame and remorse
The attacks of the enemy seem like they’ll never end!
I take my eyes off you, as not to expend
The grace you’ve given so freely, because you call me your friend
O lord why are you so kind?
You see each sin and mistake
Every wrong step I take
You see the war you’ve already won taking place in my mind
Why am I forsaking the abundant life you designed?
Yet, you’ve never once left me alone.
You will always love me and call me your own
What a love O precious Lord. I know I’ll never deserve
What a debt I could never repay and grace I will never earn

In the midst of my sorrow, my Heavenly Father is right there. On days where I fell to my knees in tears, I saw visions of Jesus holding me and weeping with me. When the thoughts of my shortcomings overwhelm my mind, I feel God’s love wash each one away. His love is enough to cover a multitude of sins. His love is a shield around me.
I am so undeserving of this unconditional love. I lay awake at night astonished that the God of the universe chooses to love me. His love is so far beyond any human love I’ve ever known, and I am fully saturated with it! I long for everything I do, to be an outpouring of the precious love I have received from the Father.

God has affirmed to me many times that I need to go on this mission trip, and I know that it will be life altering. I feel nothing but an eagerness right now. The Lord has equipped me, and the Holy Spirit has empowered me! The Spiritual attacks of the enemy will come. The enemy will try to destroy my spirit and tell me I’m worthless, I’m too broken, but he cannot make me forget that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness! I will not forget that Jesus’ body was broken so that I can be healed and whole! I will not forget that Jesus has given me the authority to overcome the enemy! At the name of Jesus every knee shall bow! I believe God will do miracles this summer. Thank you for your prayers. There is so much power in prayer, the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. I have had countless people lay hands on me and pray over me the last several months, and I cannot even begin to express how much that means to me.

Obviously while I’m on the field, my sole focus will be mission work, but I will try my best to post updates each week/every other week for those of you that have partnered with me by giving and/or praying. Thank you for being a part of advancing the Gospel to all nations! Here’s to one more week in Oklahoma 🙂